my funeral

a couple of days ago, it was our neighbor's funeral. it was raining quite badly, and my mother had woken me up at least 3 times already. truth be told, i felt lazy so i just pretended to be asleep. as simple as that, i missed the funeral.

ordinarily, my guilt should have already struck me dead. i never miss a neighbor's funeral. i came to think of it though, that dead neighbor and i were not really chummy. my memory of him that stood out the most is of him kicking my dog when it got in his way. i was a little kid back then. i cried.

now, when i think about it further, i start wondering what memories i'll leave to people when i die. will they be happy memories, biatchy, awesome? most of them would be happy memories, i think, since everyone knows i am usually happy whether forced or not. although, i won't be surprised if people would remember me for my sarcasm. ehm.

happy memories. nice. but exactly what do we know of what people say about us behind our backs, eh?

my teacher in college once gave this exercise- he told us to imagine ourselves attending our own funeral and what could people be saying as we are being lowered to the ground. whatever we want to hear them say about us at that time, we should live our lives working on that. my teacher wanted to be remembered as a good dancer. he is working on that his whole life, and i think he's doing pretty good at that.

i remember my friend marcy and i talk about this over coffee once. we talked about people that are likely to attend our funerals. aside from playing george harrison's all things must pass, i also want my funeral to be held at 4 in the morning. i want that day to be attended only by people who truly care about me. at 4 in the morning, i will know who would actually bother.

i would like to have an epitaph too. i don't care if no one has that here in the philippines anymore. i want i want an epitaph. and as my friend kalani would say, my epitaph should say 'in here lies a small body which is too huge for the world to contain.' or something like that.

death fascinates me. it does, really. dead people don't, though.