i don't like celebrating birthdays even as a child. just like for any kid, my mother would prepare food and invite all other kids in the neighborhood with cakes and ice cream and what have you. as i grew older though, the parties stopped coming. honestly, i hated the attention. i don't like everyone kissing me in the cheek and smiling and getting pictures with them. i hate that.
later on, birthdays became all about who stands last on an alcohol spree with close friends. just recently, however, i started going away from people and just spending it with my mother. last year, we went to bantayan island in cebu. a year before that, we went to guimaras. then a year before that year, we went to baguio.
today, on my birthday, i was alone eating french fries.
earlier last night, we were asked what our greatest fear is in a leadership session held at work. i have always thought it's heights. so i said i am acrophobic. just today, i realized, my greater fear is being alone.
i guess it's hard because i have always been surrounded by friends, and by people who love me. halfway through eating the french fries, i felt like running home just to make sure they're all still there.
but of course, i can't spend the rest of my day just being melodramatic about the whole thing. this is just an ordinary day. just like any other days in the year. i just happen to be older today. just like most years, alone. just more alone this year. yawn. just another ordinary year.
so for now, the facebook greetings on my wall and the happy birthday text messages would suffice. i know i am loved, maybe not by the same people i love, but i could survive with what little love i get for giving out too much.
this is it. happy birthday to me.
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