sentimental heart by she and him

Cried all night 'til there was nothin' more
What use am I as a heap on the floor?
Heaving devotion but it's just no good
taking it hard just like you knew I would

people are disposable. the weak ones come in vendo machines for the convenience of the stronger ones.

the weather. it speaks for me

someone used to ask me if i am sad everytime it rains. heaven is crying, so i am probably sad, he said.

i started thinking that maybe, for some insane and wild reason, the weather does know me. it's not always sunny and bright when i am happy, but yes, it does rain when i am not happy. coincidence, you may think.

every time i take a cab going to work, i tend to reflect on things. i don't do this during bedtime, i do this when i see different faces passing before me through the glass windows, and how the sights change from huge buildings to slums to busy streets to whatever this city decides to show me.

it is during this time that i take realizations to heart:

1. people lie all the time. the sweetest words, are often the sweetest lies.
2. i love way more than i am supposed to.
3. i could cry to sleep all i want and people that have hurt me wouldn't care.
4. my coffee intake is 4 cups.
5. distance matters.

the list goes on. i could have 5 different lists that i take note of mentally each day, but one lesson is obvious- i still have a lot of growing up to do.

so with this, i concluded:

1. doubt everyone and everything until you are absolutely and definitely proven wrong.
2. do not let go of people who truly and sincerely love you, no matter what the consequences are. sometimes, a true and sincere love is the only thing that matters. everything else is temporary.
3. make sure the people who walk into your life are worth crying for. the people you choose will eventually hurt you. those who value your tears are the ones worth crying for.
4. my coffee intake is 4 cups. i will keep it at that.
5. you don't have to cross oceans to fulfill a promise. sometimes, fulfilling a promise involves somewhere nearer. most of the time, you have to stay home.

i own every heartache i have. i realized, i have let go and held on to the wrong people. i should have been wiser, but scars are beautiful.

so, with the last taxi ride, it was raining hard. having this mental list is easy, but how do you make a heart follow a list that the mind made?

maybe, the weather does know me.

the nice, real feelings could be nice, real lies, too.

or they could all just be lies.

maybe
if we learn to love a little less
care a little less
think a little less

maybe
we would all save ourselves from heartaches

but
why would we?

i bruise easily by natasha beddingfield

My skin is like a map, of where my heart has been
And I can't hide the marks, but it's not a negative thing
So I let down my guard, drop my defenses, down by my clothes
I'm learning to fall, with no safety net, to cushion the blow