i stayed up late last night just deciding on what to tell you. i did not want to miss out on anything, i created a list just to make sure i get to mention everything in succession. you know me when i'm upset, i tend to speak faster than a train crash, but this time is very important. i need some sort of cohesion and planning to make sure i don't mess up on this this time.
then, at 2 past 4 in the afternoon, you cheerfully slid through that door, letting in a bit of late sunshine as it shone behind you like a halo. i just sat there still, confused, frowning, and undecided on how to feel. noticing my reaction, you immediately mirrored my frown, like a remote with fresh batteries. "what's wrong?" was all you managed to say.
everything, i wanted to say. you, me, these three cups of espresso and this heart that outweighs me. some questions just hurt more sometimes. people say answers do but they can't always be right.
"nothing," i lied. there goes all the things that i wanted to say. always, those things just get snatched off my mind before i even have a chance to protest.
"that's good to hear," you lied back. how can there be nothing wrong when you had to go out of your way after my phone call to meet up in that lame coffee shop?
but then again, we have been in this scene before; a dozen hundred times i almost have a queue at the back of my mind on what is going to happen next.
you held my hand, like you always do when you run out of things to say. as my tears start to flow, i wonder if i would ever get the chance to tell you what i really want to say. i want to explode just to relieve me out of this heaviness, but crying will do in the meantime.
then my phone rang. it was a familiar name, and after the conversation ended with me saying okey, you gave me a meek smile and silently you said, "you're going."
"yes."
i finished my cup, taking my time while taking deep breaths. why can't you just steal me away? why can't you just take me away, somewhere far and behind all these?
wiping my tears has always been a chore. it washes away my make up, so at 4 in the afternoon i have to wear shades to hide the clues. why can't people just be with the ones they want and let everything else figure out its own place under the sun?
sighing, i went out of the coffee shop, thinking, that things would have been less complicated had you not told me you are going to wait for me.
